Soft Life or People-Pleasing? Meghan Markle, Boundaries, and the Fine Line Between Resting and Performing Ease

The "soft life" movement has taken social media by storm, showcasing serene mornings with matcha lattes, effortless travel, and meticulously curated aesthetics. This trend advocates for a life of peace, ease, and joy, rejecting the relentless grind of hustle culture. However, a critical question arises: Are we genuinely embracing rest, or are we merely people-pleasing in pastels?​ Oof, I know. Let me explain…

What Does Soft Life Really Mean?

At its core, living a soft life is about choosing peace over burnout, rest over overwork, and joy over stress. It’s a pushback against hustle culture, especially for Black women, who are often expected to be the “strong one” or the “boss babe” 24/7. But the gag is, if you don’t set real boundaries, “soft life” is just another way to prove your value to others, rather than a real way of living.

Instead of actually resting, we start curating our rest, making sure it looks effortless instead of actually feeling good. Whether your aesthetic is full face beat, 6-pack abs, and perfectly laid silky weave, or juicy spiral curls under a golden headwrap atop a glowing blemish-free fresh face, if you’re truly embracing a soft life, you should feel less exhausted, not just look more put-together.

Also, for all my fellow high-achievers and recovering people-pleasers. We say we want a soft life, but when we finally slow down, the guilt hits hard. Why? Because we’ve been wired to overwork, over-give, and overachieve for approval.

If you’ve ever felt bad for taking a break, saying no, or not being the “reliable one,” you’re not alone. But living a real soft life means releasing that guilt and understanding that rest isn’t earned—it’s a right.

Meghan Markle’s Soft Life: They Feel a Way? Oh Wow.

Meghan Markle’s new Netflix series With Love, Meghan has sparked a wave of criticism, with people calling her “unrelatable” as she cooks in her stunning home with a million-dollar view. But why does the sight of a biracial Black woman embracing a soft life trigger so much hate?

While serving the royal institution as Dutchess of Sussex, Meghan spent years learning and conforming to tradition and even popped out in stilettos and a flawless get-up right after giving birth, and despite all of that, people still resented her. Ever since she began choosing herself, people have been big mad. This reaction speaks to something deeper: Black women are expected to serve, not indulge in ease.

When a Black woman sets boundaries and prioritizes joy, the world often labels her as difficult, ungrateful, or unrelatable. It’s the same programming that tells us to always be helpful, accommodating, and humble—even at our own expense.

But let’s not forget that With Love, Meghan is a TV show with hair, wardrobe, lighting crew, producers, and directors who know how to create a visually appealing product. Just because Meghan’s softness (specifically on TV) includes baking aesthetically pleasing pastries in beige cardigans and a flawless silk press, that doesn’t mean heating up a frozen pizza in a bonnet and a onesie isn’t just as soft if that’s what brings you joy.

Conclusion: Embracing Authentic Softness

The journey to a genuine soft life requires introspection and the courage to set boundaries that honor your true self. It involves disentangling from societal expectations and redefining what ease and peace mean on a personal level. As we observe public figures like Meghan Markle navigate this path amidst criticism, it becomes evident that the pursuit of a soft life, especially for Black women, is not just a lifestyle choice but a profound act of self-empowerment.​

So we have to ask ourselves: Am I prioritizing peace, or am I just avoiding conflict and calling it ease? Do I feel guilty resting unless it looks “productive” or aesthetically pleasing? Do I suppress my emotions to maintain a calm energy, even when something bothers me? Do I still say yes to too much, but just in a silk robe instead of a blazer?

If so, it’s okay. Embrace that, and then let’s start making choices that genuinely nurture our well-being.

Much love, The Reformed People Pleaser