Welcome to The Reformed People Pleaser: Defying Gravity and Breaking Free from People-Pleasing This Women’s History Month
- Tatianna Mott
- Mar 1
- 2 min read
Happy Women’s History Month, my fellow overachievers and recovering people pleasers! I’ve decided to take this time to re-launch an initiative that crossed my heart over a year ago called The Reformed People Pleaser (TRPP) where I would welcome others to join me on this journey of shedding the weight of others' expectations and stepping boldly into our authentic selves. If you've ever found yourself saying "yes" when every fiber of your being screamed "no," or bending over backward to keep the peace at the expense of your own sanity, you're in the right place.
The People-Pleasing Paradigm: A Gendered Perspective
Although people-pleasing, nor this blog, is confined to any one gender, studies indicate it's more prevalent among women. A YouGov poll revealed that 70% of women often go to great lengths to avoid conflict, compared to 63% of men. Additionally, 68% of women frequently put others' needs before their own, even at a personal cost.
This behavior isn't just about being agreeable; it's a coping mechanism deeply rooted in societal expectations. From a young age, women are often socialized to be nurturing, accommodating, and self-sacrificing. These traits, while valuable, can lead to unhealthy patterns where one's own needs are consistently sidelined.
The Unique Struggle for Black Women
For Black women, the pressure to people-please is compounded by additional cultural and societal factors. The "Strong Black Woman" trope portrays Black women as perpetually resilient and selfless, often at the expense of their own well-being.
This expectation can lead to a relentless cycle of overcommitment and burnout. In addition, the pervasive "angry Black woman" stereotype pressures Black women to suppress genuine emotions to avoid negative labeling, further encouraging people-pleasing behaviors.
If you’ve seen the hit book-turned musical-turned movie musical Wicked, you’re familiar with the iconic green cough Black cough lead character, Elphaba. Initially, Elphaba shrinks away from her power, and then seeks validation and acceptance, conforming to others' expectations after befriending the popular Galinda. However, by the end of the Act I climax, she has undergone a transformation, rejecting external approval and embracing her true self—a journey emblematic of moving beyond people-pleasing.
Elphaba's upcoming Act II symbolizes the path of the Reformed People Pleaser: recognizing ingrained patterns, challenging societal expectations, and stepping into one's authentic power.
Welcome to Act II.
My Journey and Invitation to You
In December 2023, after enduring personal and professional situations that left me utterly drained, I realized I had been living in a cycle of people-pleasing. Fear of being labeled, fear of conflict, and fear of isolation had kept me from asserting my true self.
Launching The Reformed People Pleaser blog was my declaration to break free from these chains. It hasn't been an overnight transformation; it's an ongoing journey of self-discovery, boundary-setting, and empowerment. And just like Elphaba, I'm learning to defy gravity.
This blog is a space for all of us navigating this path. Here, we'll share insights, personal stories, and strategies to overcome people-pleasing tendencies. Together, we'll learn to prioritize our well-being without guilt and embrace our authentic selves unapologetically.
Join us on this journey. Let's rewrite our narratives, honor our needs, and step boldly into our power. Welcome to The Reformed People Pleaser—where we celebrate the courage to be ourselves.
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